


i've wasted my throes on your head

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 21:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5840995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is shit lmao</p><p>There are some parts of this directly taken out of the novelization for Revenge of the Sith. Both of the parts where Yoda speaks are essentially direct quotes. </p><p>Title from sufjan stevens' "John my beloved"</p>
    </blockquote>





	i've wasted my throes on your head

**Author's Note:**

> This is shit lmao
> 
> There are some parts of this directly taken out of the novelization for Revenge of the Sith. Both of the parts where Yoda speaks are essentially direct quotes. 
> 
> Title from sufjan stevens' "John my beloved"

Ben Kenobi had taken quite nicely to the planet of Tatooine. The rugged, tough environment of the desolate planet was, in every way, everything that Coruscant was not. He appreciated that fact, more often than not. He regarded the fact that he did not have to take an airspeeder everywhere he went as a blessing. He was never a fan of flying, especially not in the busy, dangerous, skylanes of Coruscant. 

Sometimes, though, he would find himself missing the bustling city that was once the most glorious city in the Galaxy, which had now been defiled by the dark presence of the Empire. He would remember his times at the Jedi Temple, which now only stood as an empty monument to the conquest of the Jedi Order. The Jedi Temple was the heart of many great events in his life  — it had been his home, after all, for much of his existence. Obi-Wan grew up there as a Jedi youngling, and when taken as the Padawan learner of Qui-Gon, had lived there with him when they were not off on a mission. 

Obi-Wan had lived there with Anakin, as well. When he had first taken Anakin as his Padawan, at the request of his former Master, he was helpless. He had just been designated a Jedi Knight, yet he was already a Master. It was then that he had longed for Qui-Gon’s guidance and wisdom more than anything else, and had foolishly attempted to communicate with him to no avail. He had been so alone at that time, with only the young Anakin to keep him company. 

_ (“Anakin, could you please at least pretend to focus?” Obi-Wan said to his young student. He had been in the process of gradually familiarizing Anakin with all the aspects of the Jedi lifestyle. Since Anakin had not been immersed in their way of life from a younger age, he had much to learn (and unlearn). His experiences and life on Tatooine were completely unlike those in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Obi-Wan didn’t want it to be too much of a shock for the young boy, so he did his best to gradually ease him into it.  _

_ Now though, they had been doing morning meditation for months. There was a half-and-half chance that Anakin would be concentrated on any given morning. The other half of the time, he might fidget while trying to meditate, or just not even attempt to focus at all. Obi-Wan figured it was time that he could begin to bit a bit more tough on the boy. _

_ “Yes, Master,” Anakin replied, jamming his eyes shut, and stilled his twitching leg.) _

It did get easier. As Anakin grew up, Obi-Wan grew up with him. His student had certainly not lost his cocky, headstrong, personality — but it helped make him into a fervent learner. His Padawan had taught him so much, likely more than he could ever have taught his student. All his most cherished memories involved Anakin; his presence made even the more gruesome experiences bearable. To have the young man beside him on a mission, to be fighting alongside him, was unlike anything else. He was unrivaled in all aspects; as a pilot, as a warrior, as a friend. Everything he did, he did with a passion and resolve unmatched by anyone Obi-Wan had ever met. 

_ ("Master, you’re restless,” Anakin remarked, voice even and calm, eyes closed.They were sitting in the light of Coruscant’s morning sun, meditating. It was a rare occasion for them to be back in the Galactic City. The war had mostly taken over their lives, and as Jedi Generals, were needed almost constantly. They had been given a few days of leave, and although they were reluctant to accept, had taken the chance to recuperate. _

_ “Yes, Anakin,” He replied, smiling. Anakin didn’t see his former Master smile, but his face also broke out into a grin as well.) _

Anakin Skywalker was gone now, the once righteous soul he had once possessed was now consumed and corrupted by the Dark side. Ben would have given anything to still have the often maddening boy he had trained. Palpatine had manipulated and torn that boy to shreds, out of which he constructed the Sith known as Darth Vader. They only inhabited the same body, which was now mangled and destroyed, thanks to Obi-Wan.

_ (“Don't make me kill Anakin,” Obi-Wan pleaded. “He's like my brother, Master.” _

_ “The boy you trained, gone he is—twisted by the dark side. Consumed by Darth Vader. Out of this misery, you must put him.” Yoda told him.  _

_ And so Obi-Wan went to Mustafar, to take down the Sith Lord known as Darth Vader.) _

Obi-Wan would have given anything in the Galaxy to unsee Anakin’s now yellow, villainous eyes; turned to the colour of sulfur by evil. Eyes that he had seen before, in the Sith known as Darth Maul. Obi-Wan would defeat Darth Vader, as he had done to the Dathomirian Sith thirteen years past. Again, he was doing it in vengeance — not for his master, Qui-Gon Jinn, this time, but for his student, Anakin Skywalker. 

( _ “I loved you, but I could not save you.” Obi-Wan said to the burning figure, voice broken. Darth Vader was no man, he was a fiend. He was certainly not the Anakin Skywalker that Obi-Wan had once known. The man who had once been his brother, whom he loved, was now non existent. Nothing can replace him. He has been made known completely by the Dark side.  _

_ He turned away, deciding to leave the fate of Anakin to the Force. No matter how much he hated Darth Vader, he could not bring himself to end his life. If Anakin was really the Chosen One, as the legends said, he might still be saved. But not now. Obi-Wan hurried away, Anakin’s lightsaber heavy in his hand. He didn’t look back.) _

On Tatooine, Ben constantly dwells on what he could have done differently that would have saved Anakin, although he knows it is futile. What has been done is done; there are no do-overs for Obi-Wan Kenobi. What had he done wrong with Anakin that had made him so perceptible to the temptation of the Dark side? Perhaps he had been too stern, too harsh, towards him.

( _ “Anakin,” Obi-Wan warned. “Mind your tone.” Anakin scowled in response to the order. _

_ “Yes, Master,” Anakin mumbles in reply, and stands up straight. _ )

Obi-Wan had, undoubtedly, loved Anakin deeply. He still fondly reminisced on their times in the Clone Wars together, while in his hut in the deserts of Tatooine. No matter how hectic or tragic the situation was during the War, he had always had the faithful and honourable Anakin by his side. He had loved him, in spite of how irritating he could be at times. For obvious reasons, he had never even begun to consider pursuing any semblance of a relationship, other than the one they had. It was not the Jedi way, and it would be a fruitless endeavour. He knew that Anakin loved him as a brother — which was quite enough for Obi-Wan.

_ (Yoda had said it, flat-out: Allow such attachments to pass out of one's life, a Jedi must, but Obi-Wan had never let himself understand.) _

Ben Kenobi would always love Anakin Skywalker, he had accepted it from the moment he had finally realized it. His affection for the younger man had caused him so much sorrow, yet he still felt a deep love for his beloved friend. That is why he stayed on the forsaken planet of Tatooine, guarding the last remnant of Anakin's former self.

* * *

Ben exits his hut, then unties and mounts his eopie. He has decided to check on the boy, Luke. Hood masking most of his face, Ben rides his eopie into the Jundland Wastes, towards the dawn light of the morning suns.


End file.
